Unhelpful opinions!

People will always have conflicting opinions of you; people will always have opinions of you, and the chances are a lot of these opinions will be ones that you don't like.

But what is important to remember, and what I often forget to remember, is that others opinions should not inform your opinion about yourself. You are your greatest critic, don't let other people add to that.
Critique yourself, and if you feel uncomfortable about something you may have said, done, or thought, change it but don't let what other people say change you.

You are not obliged or required to do anything. Ought is a manipulative and persuasive word, don't let it cajole you into thinking you should do something. People love to give their opinions, and they will not stop giving their opinions. People just love to talk, and thinking before talking is certainly not something that happens often.
A throwaway remark can hit too close to home, whilst the person who said it may never realise what they've done. Even if it's just a petty comment about something really small and insignificant it can have a snowball effect that rolls on to impact someones self-esteem, and that can be really crippling.

For example, one small thing that happened to me yesterday. I was at the fencing competition and I had just come off the piste from a fight, and naturally my face was bright red because I had been exerting myself and it was hard work. I have a orangey-pink jumper to put on after I finish fencing to keep warm, and my colleague who was there pointed out that my face match the colour of my jumper. This in itself didn't bother me because I've come to terms with the fact that my skin is fair and will go red. What niggles a bit in hindsight, is that she went on about how I should change my clothes so that in the photos my face does not stand out so much.

Because of course, after winning or losing a fight this is exactly what I'm concerned about.

What she was inadvertently doing, is telling me that the colour my face had gone was a problem, and I should try and do something to make it less obvious. The chances are she was just looking for something to say at the time, and she's probably not given any thought to it since. Really her comments were not helpful in the slightest. Okay she didn't know that I have a past of being very anxious and concerned about the colour the skin on my face, but even without knowing that, it's obvious really that telling me to change my clothes would not be helpful in the slightest.

So, that was what was on my mind this morning, and I thought I'd put this down just so I can get on with the rest of my day without it being present in my head! And I'm just going to say this instance is not something that is going to affect me in the long term, it's blown over all ready really. I just thought it might be useful for people to hear, that when people don't bother to think before they speak, we really have no need to give any consideration to what they're saying.

Feminism: Emma Watson

I am a feminist. What disheartens me is that almost whenever a serious conversation is started/continued about gender equality and women's rights, there is almost immediately a backlash saying that feminists are overlooking abuse of men and male issues.

THIS IS TOTALLY NOT TRUE!

If I were to make a speech rousing people to support dog shelters because of dog abuse and abandonment, it doesn't mean I don't care about all the cat shelters which also need support, I'm just talking about dogs at this moment in time.

The negative connotations associated with feminism are popular discussion in some circles at the moment. When someone says "I'm a feminist", what some people seem to understand is something along the lines of "I don't care about male issues".

For example this article about Emma Watson's fabulous speech for United Nations is the kind of thing I'm talking about.
http://time.com/3432838/emma-watson-feminism-men-women/

Talking about gender equality without putting anyones backs up is bloomin' hard. Mainly because if we want equality, it means someone has to lose power/influence in order for things to be rebalanced more fairly. As men have had power throughout history, it is logical that most likely some men will feel they are losing something as feminism progresses, and if you are losing something it is natural to try and fight back.

Maybe I'm lucky, but I've never come across a guy who would abuse me or any other women around them. Sure, I've heard guys talk about picking out an outfit that will 'pull the ladies', make sexual jokes or innuendoes and head wolf whistling. But, although I personally find these behaviours distasteful, I feel women may have become over sensitised to some of these inappropriate behaviours to some extent.

Although wolf whistling is never something I'd condone, it's just plain embarrassing, upsetting and public harassment, the way girls talk about guys and guys bodies is definitely no worse than the way men can talk about women. I'm talking about admiration of a man's 'fit body', talk such as 'he's a hottie' or 'I'd do him". I think this is just as distasteful as the kind of apparently 'harmless' banter men might have.

So although it might appear that this post has become a slightly hypocritical in the way it's concluded, my final thought for now is this...
As long as we still base our comments/opinions/thoughts of the opposite gender on how attractive their bodies are rather than respecting them first as person, we are going to limit how far we can progress in the gender equality debate.

Any further thoughts on this, please add to the discussion in the comments...

Pride

ORANGE WEDNESDAYS! The best reason to own a phone since... well, since you wanted to get in contact with anybody. But shush, lets forget that logic for now...

This year I live less than 10 minutes from both the local Vue and Odean, and although the 40 minute walk didn't put us off last year, my housemate and I are planning on using a fair few orange wednesdays in the coming year!

Today we went to see Pride, and apart from the embarrassing incident where my phone went off just as the film started, and one of the 6 other people in the cinema came and told me my phone screen was too bright (I literally had my phone out for a second to cancel the call!), I throughly enjoyed it.

It's quite a long film, but it's jam-packed with story line and we are thrown right into the midst of the plot from the start.

Pride follows a London lesbian and gay community as they raise funds to help support striking miners in a remote welsh village. Set during Thatchers reign, the script is beautifully constructed, always driving the story forward, but giving time to flesh out the personalities of several key characters in a film that does not have one obvious protagonist. It has an overarching witty tone, allowing time for real human moments and conversations, keeping the overall feel of a film dealing with heavy topics and incidents light and humorous.

The fabulous welsh accents and personalities really shine through, notably Sian James sense of injustice and unpretentious action to drive the movements forward, and the reliable and steady headed Dai whose unswerving resolve is key to the bringing together of a conflicted community. The cast bounce off each other wonderfully, with both Bill Nighy's closet gay character and Imelda Staunton's Hefina contributing to the sense of real camaraderie between the two groups of campaigners as they help fight each other's battles.

 The film does depict the overcoming of stereotypical prejudices about gays and lesbians, but not in an overt way as this isn't the message of the film. The coming together of two communities through persistence, communication and empathy for another group of human beings who are also suffering from prejudice and maltreatment from others, is where the film wants to direct the audiences emotions.

Pride has a very different feel about it. It's unavoidably british, to be expected when considering its content, and it's because of, rather than in spite of, the gritty reality of the events depicted you come away feeling inspired, entertained and indeed educated about the determination and courage of a group of people from the past who were able to make a difference.
Shame the cinema was so empty... bottom line is that more people need to see this film.

Student eating

So if you're anything like me, feeding yourself rather than relying on your mum to have something ready for you, is something that uses up a lot of energy.

I remember as a fresher I was starving all the time for the first couple of weeks as I adjusted to my new way of life.  I nailed one meal, egg fried rice and veg; boy nothing had ever tasted so good, and I ate huge portions.

Now I'm not going in from scratch second time round, I kinda remember what meals I made last year. But this year for 3 days of the week I'm out through lunch and dinner, the new challenge is making healthy pack-meals.

And although last year I was eating fairly healthily with a fridge filled with lots of veg, none of my food tasted that good. It was mostly cooked veg in a tomato sauce. This year I'm looking to improve my seasoning abilities. I've just been looking through my copy of "River Cottage Veg everyday" the only cookbook I own, but so many of the meals need fancy (and expensive when added up) herbs or spices that if I purchased I'd probably not use again.

So I thought I'd compile a list of cheap seasoning items that help add spice to student cooking!

Firstly, herb du provence - several herbs already mixed up for you to create this yummy flavour. Perfect for seasoning tomato sauces or any kinda sauce really.

Salt and Pepper - pretty standard, but I didn't bother with these first year: note to self, they do make a difference if you want to up your pazazz.

Mayonnaise - bit of a random one, but throw in a tad of this to a salad and it can make it twice as good. Plus be healthy by making egg or tuna mayo pitta bread/sandwiches or a coleslaw. For todays lunch I mixed the two up and had a coleslaw and egg mayo pitta bread! YUM!

Pesto - the student saviour! (only if you like pesto though of course!) Pesto can make almost the worse meal taste good. It goes with a hell of a lot of vegetables, pasta and rice. I always make sure I have some of this in stock, my favourite is tomato.

That's all I've got so far, but I'll add to this as I go forth on my venture!

Stress

The first week of Uni is always tricky. Trying to remember new timetables, timetable software not updating to your new modules, and just generally remembering how to study now that the summer is over, can take a hell of a lot out of you!

When you then through into the mix that in second year you might have other responsibilities in a society or sports club, feeling overwhelmed every now and then should not come as a surprise! 

However the awesome thing is that a busy life is fun! And in my case, and presumably most peoples, everything you take on you do because you think it will be fun and you'll enjoy it!

So as I bop along to The 1975 on the way to my first lecture of the year, I'm just remembering to chill out and take a breath! Everything is awesome! 

Especially this which my friend posted to me earlier today when I wasn't feeling quite so chill! 

Chim Chim Cheree....

I'm back at uni, and since I'm now a second year I get the luxuries (and slight issues...) of being in a house! It's got a tv, dishwasher and everything!

All the trouble we had trying to find a house was worth it for the one we've ended up with. It's one of the nicest student houses I've been in, with none of the oddly shaped or weirdly arranged rooms that are so often the norm with student housing.

The only downside is that there is one small bedroom, but as a compromise me and my housemate are swapping half way through the year so we both get to have the larger room of our choice some of the time.

I have the bigger room first, and this room is simply awesome... I absolutely love it. It has 3 sky lights so is incredibly light and it's gorgeously warm and sunny when the sun is out. I can open up the sky lights so the room is lovely and airy and fresh.  Since I'm very sensitive to being too warm this is perfect for me!

The best thing is that the third window opens the widest and has a little alcove of it's own with a chair. I can sit in this chair, open up the window and sit with my head poking out the roof.

Admittedly it's not much of a view, but when the sun is shining outside it's just wonderful to be in the open air. I noticed this afternoon that there are so many houses clustered together where we are living, that looking out over the rooftops and seeing the rows of chimneys makes me feel like I'm in Mary Poppins. I'm definitely having day dreams about dancing across those rooftops...

Although I'm slightly sad I only have this room for half the year, I'm going to value the time I have in it and the freedom of having my own floor (I'm up on my own on the third storey!) and access to the outside is just so liberating.  I've already had some relaxing times chilling with my head stuck through the roof, and I'm sure I'll have many more!

Moving On

Thousands of people work incredibly hard, sometimes dedicating everyday of their life towards being the best at something, whether that be a sport, a career, a degree, doesn't really matter what it is, just that the something is a dream to them, and this motivates them to carry on trying and pushing themselves no matter what.

However, for all the thousands of people trying to improve, hundreds of people have to give up those dreams. But, what gets me the most is when dreams have to be abandoned due to physical differences in peoples bodies, meaning they are unable to reach the top because their unique shape causes physical constraints. Or, because someone comes to something later on in their life and are unable to catch up with the top players because they lack the experience of previous years.

These particular issues mainly apply to sports (because this is where I have come across these constraints). However good you think you might be or are told you are, whatever success you've managed in the past, you won't make the squads, you won't win those gold medals, you've simply run out of time to catch up, and the focus is now on the younger up and coming athletes. It's a difficult realisation to swallow.

Although you can reason with yourself, and say you're not training and competing just to win, but for the fun of it, the two do tend to come hand in hand to some extent. Obviously it's natural that if your hard work leads you to be successful, you are inspired and happy with the results and motivated to work harder and compete more.

Even when the winning/fun scenario is taken out of the equation, sometimes the fun can just go out of it, especially if you realise that you don't feel like your competing for yourself anymore, but to try and please someone else. You want to win and push yourself for the attention that winning and success brings, not to excel at your sport.

 It's not a nice feeling to realise you are trying to do well just to get the attention of someone else. It makes me feel like I'm a lesser person, that I desire the approval of another to make me feel better. I feel petty and silly and my pride definitely feels a bit bashed up.

I wanted to document these feelings whilst they were still fresh for me. This might not even make that much sense, but writing it all down has helped me to feel happier with where I've come to in my thinking about all of the above. I think I'm ready to move on to a better mind set and a happier sporting future.

Thank you Diary

I always think that people with diaries that exist in the form of a physical book, rather than as a quick note on a phone calendar, look really organised and 'mumsie'. I'm sure that for many people looking 'mumsie' would be considered a bad thing, but the way my mum lives her life is something that I'd definitely like to replicate, especially in terms of her ability to remember things.

I've also always had this desire to write things out physically, rather than digitally (very archaic I know).
Anyway the point is, this year I decided to buy myself a diary for the academic year to keep note of important deadlines, lectures, meetings, and dates where things might be planned (for example visiting home!) that I should definitely keep track of. The number of times someone's asked me if I'm free on a specific date, a warning bell goes off in my head and I end up phoning mum to work out whether I'm free or not, are numerous, frequent and, for good measure, also plentiful. I think it's time I try to work out my availability for myself before resorting to mum power.

That's basically a very round-about way of saying that I brought a diary! However, the point of this blog post is that this diary is particularly intriguing, as for each day of the year it has a note about an event or thing that has happened on that day at some point in history.
For example for today the 13th of September 'Building begins on Hadrian's wall in 122'... random, but vaguely interesting!

So now, not only do I give the impression I know what I'm doing with my life, I can throw out random facts too! At this rate I'll be winning university challenge before I know it!

Liver in training

So for lots of people out there, University is the first time they have real independence and control of their own stock of money. The combination of the two can lead to things getting a little bit wild...

Parties, clubs and drinking seem to be the ball game here. However, for as many people as that sounds like tremendous fun, I'm supposing there is a similar number who are thinking that's not really there cup of tea.

I fall into the latter category. And, just to get it out there, you can survive freshers week just fine without going out clubbing or even drinking at all. As I mentioned in a previous post, I went to lots of events planned by societies that were orientated around non-alcholic past times, such as the student radio "have a go at making a news bulletin" and I attended several fitness sessions run by body soc which were very popular and very fun.

I also went to most of the events in freshers by myself - there is no law against doing things on your own! Sure it might be nicer to go with a friend, but you can make friends and new contacts during the event. I suggested going to some things as a flat, and we had a successful evening at the 'Disney society quiz' in the local pub which was lots of fun and good bonding.

I think in total I had 2 alcoholic drinks during freshers, and maybe I was lucky in that I ended up with flatmate who also wasn't really into drinking (indeed none of my flat were hugely into the clubbing scene), but it was mainly that I decided to throw myself out there and participate in the hundreds of activities that didn't revolve around drinking.

Even after freshers week, I played ring of fire and just drank water the whole evening. Nobody cares, and if they do maybe don't hang out with them again. Peer pressure can be very powerful, so choose the peers that won't pressure you into situations where you feel uncomfortable.

Homesickness

It is an odd thing, that sometimes the place I miss home the most is when I'm sat right at home in my house.

Going away, even if it is to a place where you ultimately want to be, can still be daunting. Whether your life at home has been happy or not, home is where you have grown up, it's where you are accepted for being you and you are loved unconditionally. Everything is familiar,  you know the rhythm of the days and what to expect when you wake up in the warmth and cosiness of your own room.

I'm leaving home to go back for my second year at university next week. Even second year is hard, so those heading off for freshers in the coming weeks don't worry - you are definitely not alone, and although leaving everything behind is easier second time round, it's still definitely a tug on the old heart strings.

From my experience, the week before leaving is actually the most trying time. You are surrounded by everything you are going to be deprived of for the foreseeable future, and where you are heading to is still unknown and slightly scary. At home you have nothing to distract yourself with apart from the things you know you are going to be missing, but, when at your destination (whether that be university or not) everything is new and exciting and life is distracting in itself! Reminders of home might bring on homesick moments, but these quickly pass if you are engaged in living your new life; a life full of things you cannot complexly comprehend when sat at home worrying about what you might be letting yourself in for!

My advice for any fresher would be to take a good long look at the freshers timetable that most university's publish and pick out lots of things to take yourself too. I made my own timetable of things I thought looked fun, making sure I had something to go and do in the morning, afternoon and evening each day of freshers, and although I didn't end up doing everything because of spontaneous outings with my flatmates and finding that actually I wasn't going to breakdown if I just chilled in my room for a bit, knowing that I had something to do made feel 100% better. Also planning when your first trip home is going to be (remember you can go back!) was comforting for me. I hit 3 weeks before I headed home for the weekend - I remember noting most people in my subject also made a trip back that weekend; other people have people and places they are missing too!

University is a challenging and exciting time, but it's ok to feel like its not like that at first.  I was prepared to feel horribly homesick for the fist month but it just doesn't work out like that for most people. In fact between Skype, FaceTime, texts and phone calls, keeping in touch can be almost as easy as when you are living at home, and the rest of the time your life is so busy and full that time flies and its the holidays before you know it!