Injustice

I am feeling the unjustness of the world acutely tonight, and it's definitely been building over the last 2 weeks in relation to 3 areas. A feeling of injustice fires me up unlike anything else, and I've definitely noticed feelings of genuine anger, which I haven't felt in years, if I have ever before.

• a personal situation
• a historical situation
• a global situation

Personal situation is the easiest - I have a housemate who doesn't care whether he does his contributions to the housework, and is perfectly happy to say he doesn't because other people (mainly us female housemates) do his share of the cleaning before he has a chance.

Not only is it insulting since we have only done 'his cleaning' after he clearly had no intention of doing it, but utterly disrespectful to neglect the agreement to share out the work we made when we moved into the house.

Fuelling these feelings has been the topic of my politics module this week, which was feminism. Why does it fall to women to do the domestic work? I'm wary of generalisation, but the specific guys I live with didn't know how to make sure the bathroom floor was dry after they got out of the shower - they don't think! And of course it's not just them who don't think, but when you're the one turning off the lights, the tv, putting the bins out, dealing with the letting agent and any maintenance issues and they keep pointing out to you that they (unlike other housemates) have done their chore for that week, it's hard not to scream all the extra things they don't think to consider that you've done (and then point out that they really didn't do their job that well anyway...)

So feminism is in fact the global situation (crossing over into historical) that has been on my mind. Mainly the male bias in society, and the injustice done to women throughout history that has not be corrected. Why are there still so few women in parliament, and why do the men shout and scream and jeer like animals in a place where decisions are made that shape the lives of everyone in the country? Why are women forced to fit into roles biased towards a typical males life, and obstacles such as maternity leave that will NEVER effect a man (until the time men can also grow babies?) be so limited in terms of duration and paid salary during the maternity period.

Why has our society developed in a way so that earning money is valued higher than caring for another person and ensuring there are a decent bunch of people to become the next generation? Who would choose to rescue a suitcase of money over a baby from a burning house? In such a situation most of society would condemn a person who would not save the human life. And I'm not implying that women who choose to work rather than be a full time mother should be blamed - I'm blaming the whole structure of society that was designed, without any input from women, to suit people who don't have raising the next generation as a biologically integral part of their lives.

My historical (and also partially global) situation stems from watching The Imitation Game. Bio-epic has to be my favourite genre of film - to think that it is based on true events is remarkable. To think that homosexuality was treated in such a disgusting manner, and that a man who saved millions of lives ended up committing suicide due to legal 'punishment' for his feelings is horrific. It's fascinating  because it seems so unreasonably unfair (to put it mildly) that anyone could think that anyone deserves 'hormonal castration' no matter what there personal background. The isolation and loneliness of Turing is poignantly portrayed, it really struck a chord with me. It is unlikely anyone has gone through their life without feeling lost or alone at some point, and although perhaps not on the same level as Turing, the humanity of these feelings invokes deep empathy and connection to Turing.

So in all, at the moment I have a strong dislike for society and the way the world has turned out. Humans are awesome, but we also suck. I want to change something. I also want to smash something first, then I'll do the changing part.

The Lion King

Yesterday I was up in London to see The Lion King musical...  WHAT A SHOW! My favourite scene has to be the opening where all the puppets bring the African plains to life to the tune of Disney's classic the circle of life. I think my favourite puppets were the zebras just because the way they've captured their movement is so realistic, not that other puppets didn't capture the real animals movement, but the zebras really caught my eye! The whole theatre exploded into applause as the final puppets made their way on to the stage to complete the scene for an opening to rival the finales of most shows!

The production design was wonderfully exotic, and I love the way the actors are true to their cartoon characters in their intonation and tone of their voices. Rafiki is my favourite character in the Lion King just because you never know what he is going to do! In the stage version the actress has the most spectacular vocal range and the best parts of the songs to sing (in my opinion!)

The way the film has been adapted to utilise the spaces and strengths of a theatre I found really interesting (since I'm studying a module on adaption between stage, screen and novel!) and they have been so innovative and creative when designing the stampeded scene and communicating the disarray and poverty that Scar brought to the pride lands.

In short a wonderful show, and one to catch if you have the time (and the spare money cause those tickets prices are sky high!) if you might be planning a special trip to London!

Sexual Harassment on Youtube: Alex Day

Firstly, I'm so sorry for anyone who has ever suffered from sexual harassment, it's horrifying that it occurs in our society today. Hopefully our generation, who has already talked about the unacceptability of sexual harassment extensively, will mean future generations will grow up inherently knowing it's something that should never happen. For this reason I wanted to put down my thought process relating to the Youtuber Alex Day. I'm going to refer to him as Day in this post, because 'Alex' seems too friendly for someone I don't know, and I certainly do not think of him as a friend.

I was disturbed, shocked and appalled when the allegations of sexual harassment against Day came out earlier this year.
I liked Day as a Youtuber. I enjoyed his content and admired his determination in regard to his music.
I was even more surprised when he decided to return to youtube earlier this month. I hadn't unsubscribed from him since the truth came out, so the video popped up in my newsfeed and out of curiosity I did watch it.

The release of his video coincided with the truth about Jason coming out, and a number of other Youtubers had released videos speaking out about ousting sexual harassment and sexual predators from the youtube community. I had been watching those videos earlier in the day Day released his video, yet, as I say out of curiosity as to what Day might have to say, I watched his video.

And I was nearly taken in again. In his video he comes across as reasonable, he presents himself exactly in a way that one might start to forget his past behaviour. This is when the alarm bells started ringing in my head.

I had been to the cinema and watched the epic Gone Girl around the time Day posted the video, and in that film the public's perception of the main male character is completely changed from negative to positive in one tv interview because of the way he portrayed himself. I'm not suggesting that Day deliberately portrayed himself the way he did to manipulate his audience, but he was hardly going to try and turn people away from him.

How can I be a better judge of his true character than people who have personally known and interacted with him, who have now dissociated themselves from him and spoken out explicitly encouraring viewers to not support him in their videos. They know Day better than I, or any viewer ever could, and it was on the strength of this realisation that I realised I had nearly been taken in by his manner. That I had nearly forgotten that he has been charged with a serious crime and he had violated and hurt other people. His crime is disrespectful, disgusting and one that I personally regard as one of the worst crimes that can be committed.

Thinking back to the video, at one point he says something along the lines of (I don't want to re-watch the video to find the exact quote) I looked at girls as the opportunity to have sex.
How can any one support that kind of mind set? It fuckin' scared me, (I don't swear so that's the strength of my feelings on this) firstly that anyone could have such a disrespectful, objectifying and opportunistic mind set, and secondly that I nearly continued supporting someone who thought like that. I know, inexcusable as it is, that Day is not the only one to think like this, but I'm writing this post to draw attention to this information about the situation with Day, incase someone who is still subscribed (I am NOT) and might watch any more of Days content to re-constider what they are supporting.

My University (Exeter) is running a campaign against sexual harassment called #NeverOk. It has had global recognition because of the success. The video campaign (including a well known face) can be viewed here #NeverOk video and another informative article I found discussing this subject in the wider community.

P.S. This is not part of youtuber reviews, I'd never include a ex-youtuber with a criminal background in that series. This is just some thoughts I had a few weeks ago but had not got round to putting down until now.

Independent article - Dear young men: The old stereotypes of what it is to be a 'man' are a load of rubbish

First Year Of Uni

Second year to all potential first years out there. I realise this is probably a bad time to post this since most people are either not thinking about uni yet, or are already well into their first term.

However, I'm forgetting that logic for now!

As a second year, you do have more work, greater commitments to societies and still the same desire to go and try all the things you didn't get round to in the first year.

For me this has resulted in feeling like I'm missing out on some things that I'd love to be doing, and also getting stressed about not having enough time for my studying because of commitments to the sports and societies I am involved with.

So my main piece of advice to first years is this...

1) TRY ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING YOU THINK YOU MIGHT POSSIBLY ENJOY!

I spent so much time on short film shoots, went to all the sports training sessions, auditioned for plays, represented the university competitively, wrote and acted radio shows, baked, explored town and basically used my spare time to throw myself into everything. More than once my family reminded me I was here to study!  I hear so many first years say they spent their days sleeping, watching films or recovering from hangovers, and although there is nothing wrong with that, I find it slightly sad that people don't take advantage of all the amazing experiences uni can offer - I mean when else are you going to be able to write and perform your own radio show?

2) Don't forget the work!

Although first year doesn't count towards your degree, it does count if you decide you want to have a study abroad year. Perhaps this is something you might decide you'd like to do late second year, and if you've fluffed up your first year grades, those dreams quickly disappear down the drain so don't be caught out! And secondly, and I think more importantly, coming out of your first year with a really good grade makes you feel great cause it is an awesome achievement! You can enter second year confident of what you can achieve!

So that might seem obvious advice, but I suppose the main message is to live your life to the full and seize all those opportunities that might come your way! Life is for living, so don't let it float on by, and equally don't let it drag you down. Looking at the bigger picture whatever you do with your time at uni will be what is right for you, in your life at that time.

P.S. If you do find first year away at uni hard, don't be scared because you are not alone. Exeter University where I am has an excellent student healthcare centre, anonymous support lines and advice centres, and I'm sure other University's have similar facilities that can help you study and enjoy life as you'd like to. 

Cake alert!

Want to know the recipe for the yummy cupcakes I made on Saturday? Look out for a video with the link in the description coming in out in an hour on my youtube channel RainorShine

If you do have a go at making them, or you've used this recipe before, let me know what you thought! It's one of my favourites :)

THANK YOU!

This is perhaps a small milestone, but THANK YOU FOR 200 VIEWS!!!

In fact at this moments it's 220! That's like a lecture theatre full of people clicking on this blog! It's made my evening and I've just eaten another chocolate cupcake in celebration! 

 I was going to make a little celebration video, but unfortunately my memory card reader has broken. Luckily I have the footage I need for now, but my nice profile picture will have to wait till my new reader arrives, thank goodness for Amazon!

Happy National Chocolate Cupcake Day!

Now here's a holiday that should certainly have more publicity! National Chocolate Cupcake day was today (18th October) and there is really only one way to celebrate!

It made me wonder though, what is the difference between a cupcake and a muffin?

A quick google suggests that to be a muffin, the dry and wet ingredients are kept separate and then combined to make a more 'bread-y' type treat, and cupcakes are just cake mix in small portions!

So I can assuredly say I have made chocolate cupcakes, not chocolate muffins! Thank goodness for that :P

Here's a yummy peak, but you'll be seeing more of these later on in the week!

Communication and relationships

All the discussion of sexual abuse on Youtube at the moment is putting a slight downer on my evening. When I say downer, it's because it's been making me think how easily manipulation can happen, even unintentionally, in any relationship, no matter how loving it genuinely is.

When a relationship first begins, even if you have known that person for a long time and you know each other well, you're going to learn new things about them; it might feel like getting to know them again, and it's also a time you will learn things about yourself.

Especially for a first relationship, you'll be discovering personal boundaries and limits, what you do and don't like to do together, and I'm not just talking about the non-PG stuff. For me this is where I think there can be danger of accidental coercion. In the heat of the moment you might agree to something, but then realise that you're not at all comfortable with it, or that you didn't mean for things to go as far as they have. Even if it is something as small as letting the other person sit on your bed with you.

I've watched Laci Green talk wonderfully about the importance of communication in some of her videos (see link to Laci's channel) and I can't stress how important talking to each other has been in my relationship. I'm 100% sure that if we hadn't started talking about how we felt to each other about things that confused us that the other person did or didn't do, we wouldn't still be together now.

We played a version of 20 questions, where we would ask each other literally anything that crossed our minds about likes and dislikes, opinions, each others past, each others present, what we thought about each other, how we felt when we first got together etc. It created a platform for us to be open and honest with each other in an easy and fun way. We don't need to play this game anymore (although we still do for fun!) because now we know each other well enough to tell when something might be wrong and needed to be talked through.

So what I'm trying to convey is that when you are experimenting and finding your personal limits in the context of a relationship, make sure you know when to stop and say that's enough. If you think you might not feel comfortable enough to say something, then maybe you should work on getting to know each other on a more personal level before continuing a relationship.

Laci Green Sex + - for more information about all things bodies/relationships/sexytimes

Pumpkin spice latte

So I've got a long meaty post coming up, but I thought I would start my posts for October on a lighter note. (We've had internet down for the last week hence my sustained silence!)
Today I went to my local Starbucks, and I went there for the specific purpose to try their autumn drink the pumpkin spice latte. I had a particular reason to try it because I know it's Carrie Hope Fletcher's favourite drink and I think she's got great taste!

Also, on the strength of Carrie's excitement, my boyfriend has tried it out three or four times and he's given it a big thumbs up too!

It is quite an expensive drink, but not really anymore than a milkshake or smoothie which is what I normally go for. I went for medium-size (grande) because it was barely any more money than the smaller size and I really wanted to give this drink a shot!

And it's got my thumbs up to! I had cream with it because the Starbucks cream is amazing (so much better than Costas cream!) I'm not really into coffee at all, I don't ever drink anything that contains coffee apart from mocha and the occasional chai latte, but when I don't feel like hot chocolate this is definitely going to be the drink that I turn to!

I thought it might have an odd  overpowering pumpkin taste, but personally I couldn't really taste any pumpkin, just a pleasant level of spice. If you've tried the chai latte, the pumpkin spiced latte has less spice than that, but I actually prefer the pumpkin drink because it's less spicy.

So, run for the local Starbucks guys and buy them up whilst there still in season!!

Unhelpful opinions!

People will always have conflicting opinions of you; people will always have opinions of you, and the chances are a lot of these opinions will be ones that you don't like.

But what is important to remember, and what I often forget to remember, is that others opinions should not inform your opinion about yourself. You are your greatest critic, don't let other people add to that.
Critique yourself, and if you feel uncomfortable about something you may have said, done, or thought, change it but don't let what other people say change you.

You are not obliged or required to do anything. Ought is a manipulative and persuasive word, don't let it cajole you into thinking you should do something. People love to give their opinions, and they will not stop giving their opinions. People just love to talk, and thinking before talking is certainly not something that happens often.
A throwaway remark can hit too close to home, whilst the person who said it may never realise what they've done. Even if it's just a petty comment about something really small and insignificant it can have a snowball effect that rolls on to impact someones self-esteem, and that can be really crippling.

For example, one small thing that happened to me yesterday. I was at the fencing competition and I had just come off the piste from a fight, and naturally my face was bright red because I had been exerting myself and it was hard work. I have a orangey-pink jumper to put on after I finish fencing to keep warm, and my colleague who was there pointed out that my face match the colour of my jumper. This in itself didn't bother me because I've come to terms with the fact that my skin is fair and will go red. What niggles a bit in hindsight, is that she went on about how I should change my clothes so that in the photos my face does not stand out so much.

Because of course, after winning or losing a fight this is exactly what I'm concerned about.

What she was inadvertently doing, is telling me that the colour my face had gone was a problem, and I should try and do something to make it less obvious. The chances are she was just looking for something to say at the time, and she's probably not given any thought to it since. Really her comments were not helpful in the slightest. Okay she didn't know that I have a past of being very anxious and concerned about the colour the skin on my face, but even without knowing that, it's obvious really that telling me to change my clothes would not be helpful in the slightest.

So, that was what was on my mind this morning, and I thought I'd put this down just so I can get on with the rest of my day without it being present in my head! And I'm just going to say this instance is not something that is going to affect me in the long term, it's blown over all ready really. I just thought it might be useful for people to hear, that when people don't bother to think before they speak, we really have no need to give any consideration to what they're saying.

Feminism: Emma Watson

I am a feminist. What disheartens me is that almost whenever a serious conversation is started/continued about gender equality and women's rights, there is almost immediately a backlash saying that feminists are overlooking abuse of men and male issues.

THIS IS TOTALLY NOT TRUE!

If I were to make a speech rousing people to support dog shelters because of dog abuse and abandonment, it doesn't mean I don't care about all the cat shelters which also need support, I'm just talking about dogs at this moment in time.

The negative connotations associated with feminism are popular discussion in some circles at the moment. When someone says "I'm a feminist", what some people seem to understand is something along the lines of "I don't care about male issues".

For example this article about Emma Watson's fabulous speech for United Nations is the kind of thing I'm talking about.
http://time.com/3432838/emma-watson-feminism-men-women/

Talking about gender equality without putting anyones backs up is bloomin' hard. Mainly because if we want equality, it means someone has to lose power/influence in order for things to be rebalanced more fairly. As men have had power throughout history, it is logical that most likely some men will feel they are losing something as feminism progresses, and if you are losing something it is natural to try and fight back.

Maybe I'm lucky, but I've never come across a guy who would abuse me or any other women around them. Sure, I've heard guys talk about picking out an outfit that will 'pull the ladies', make sexual jokes or innuendoes and head wolf whistling. But, although I personally find these behaviours distasteful, I feel women may have become over sensitised to some of these inappropriate behaviours to some extent.

Although wolf whistling is never something I'd condone, it's just plain embarrassing, upsetting and public harassment, the way girls talk about guys and guys bodies is definitely no worse than the way men can talk about women. I'm talking about admiration of a man's 'fit body', talk such as 'he's a hottie' or 'I'd do him". I think this is just as distasteful as the kind of apparently 'harmless' banter men might have.

So although it might appear that this post has become a slightly hypocritical in the way it's concluded, my final thought for now is this...
As long as we still base our comments/opinions/thoughts of the opposite gender on how attractive their bodies are rather than respecting them first as person, we are going to limit how far we can progress in the gender equality debate.

Any further thoughts on this, please add to the discussion in the comments...

Pride

ORANGE WEDNESDAYS! The best reason to own a phone since... well, since you wanted to get in contact with anybody. But shush, lets forget that logic for now...

This year I live less than 10 minutes from both the local Vue and Odean, and although the 40 minute walk didn't put us off last year, my housemate and I are planning on using a fair few orange wednesdays in the coming year!

Today we went to see Pride, and apart from the embarrassing incident where my phone went off just as the film started, and one of the 6 other people in the cinema came and told me my phone screen was too bright (I literally had my phone out for a second to cancel the call!), I throughly enjoyed it.

It's quite a long film, but it's jam-packed with story line and we are thrown right into the midst of the plot from the start.

Pride follows a London lesbian and gay community as they raise funds to help support striking miners in a remote welsh village. Set during Thatchers reign, the script is beautifully constructed, always driving the story forward, but giving time to flesh out the personalities of several key characters in a film that does not have one obvious protagonist. It has an overarching witty tone, allowing time for real human moments and conversations, keeping the overall feel of a film dealing with heavy topics and incidents light and humorous.

The fabulous welsh accents and personalities really shine through, notably Sian James sense of injustice and unpretentious action to drive the movements forward, and the reliable and steady headed Dai whose unswerving resolve is key to the bringing together of a conflicted community. The cast bounce off each other wonderfully, with both Bill Nighy's closet gay character and Imelda Staunton's Hefina contributing to the sense of real camaraderie between the two groups of campaigners as they help fight each other's battles.

 The film does depict the overcoming of stereotypical prejudices about gays and lesbians, but not in an overt way as this isn't the message of the film. The coming together of two communities through persistence, communication and empathy for another group of human beings who are also suffering from prejudice and maltreatment from others, is where the film wants to direct the audiences emotions.

Pride has a very different feel about it. It's unavoidably british, to be expected when considering its content, and it's because of, rather than in spite of, the gritty reality of the events depicted you come away feeling inspired, entertained and indeed educated about the determination and courage of a group of people from the past who were able to make a difference.
Shame the cinema was so empty... bottom line is that more people need to see this film.

Student eating

So if you're anything like me, feeding yourself rather than relying on your mum to have something ready for you, is something that uses up a lot of energy.

I remember as a fresher I was starving all the time for the first couple of weeks as I adjusted to my new way of life.  I nailed one meal, egg fried rice and veg; boy nothing had ever tasted so good, and I ate huge portions.

Now I'm not going in from scratch second time round, I kinda remember what meals I made last year. But this year for 3 days of the week I'm out through lunch and dinner, the new challenge is making healthy pack-meals.

And although last year I was eating fairly healthily with a fridge filled with lots of veg, none of my food tasted that good. It was mostly cooked veg in a tomato sauce. This year I'm looking to improve my seasoning abilities. I've just been looking through my copy of "River Cottage Veg everyday" the only cookbook I own, but so many of the meals need fancy (and expensive when added up) herbs or spices that if I purchased I'd probably not use again.

So I thought I'd compile a list of cheap seasoning items that help add spice to student cooking!

Firstly, herb du provence - several herbs already mixed up for you to create this yummy flavour. Perfect for seasoning tomato sauces or any kinda sauce really.

Salt and Pepper - pretty standard, but I didn't bother with these first year: note to self, they do make a difference if you want to up your pazazz.

Mayonnaise - bit of a random one, but throw in a tad of this to a salad and it can make it twice as good. Plus be healthy by making egg or tuna mayo pitta bread/sandwiches or a coleslaw. For todays lunch I mixed the two up and had a coleslaw and egg mayo pitta bread! YUM!

Pesto - the student saviour! (only if you like pesto though of course!) Pesto can make almost the worse meal taste good. It goes with a hell of a lot of vegetables, pasta and rice. I always make sure I have some of this in stock, my favourite is tomato.

That's all I've got so far, but I'll add to this as I go forth on my venture!

Stress

The first week of Uni is always tricky. Trying to remember new timetables, timetable software not updating to your new modules, and just generally remembering how to study now that the summer is over, can take a hell of a lot out of you!

When you then through into the mix that in second year you might have other responsibilities in a society or sports club, feeling overwhelmed every now and then should not come as a surprise! 

However the awesome thing is that a busy life is fun! And in my case, and presumably most peoples, everything you take on you do because you think it will be fun and you'll enjoy it!

So as I bop along to The 1975 on the way to my first lecture of the year, I'm just remembering to chill out and take a breath! Everything is awesome! 

Especially this which my friend posted to me earlier today when I wasn't feeling quite so chill! 

Chim Chim Cheree....

I'm back at uni, and since I'm now a second year I get the luxuries (and slight issues...) of being in a house! It's got a tv, dishwasher and everything!

All the trouble we had trying to find a house was worth it for the one we've ended up with. It's one of the nicest student houses I've been in, with none of the oddly shaped or weirdly arranged rooms that are so often the norm with student housing.

The only downside is that there is one small bedroom, but as a compromise me and my housemate are swapping half way through the year so we both get to have the larger room of our choice some of the time.

I have the bigger room first, and this room is simply awesome... I absolutely love it. It has 3 sky lights so is incredibly light and it's gorgeously warm and sunny when the sun is out. I can open up the sky lights so the room is lovely and airy and fresh.  Since I'm very sensitive to being too warm this is perfect for me!

The best thing is that the third window opens the widest and has a little alcove of it's own with a chair. I can sit in this chair, open up the window and sit with my head poking out the roof.

Admittedly it's not much of a view, but when the sun is shining outside it's just wonderful to be in the open air. I noticed this afternoon that there are so many houses clustered together where we are living, that looking out over the rooftops and seeing the rows of chimneys makes me feel like I'm in Mary Poppins. I'm definitely having day dreams about dancing across those rooftops...

Although I'm slightly sad I only have this room for half the year, I'm going to value the time I have in it and the freedom of having my own floor (I'm up on my own on the third storey!) and access to the outside is just so liberating.  I've already had some relaxing times chilling with my head stuck through the roof, and I'm sure I'll have many more!

Moving On

Thousands of people work incredibly hard, sometimes dedicating everyday of their life towards being the best at something, whether that be a sport, a career, a degree, doesn't really matter what it is, just that the something is a dream to them, and this motivates them to carry on trying and pushing themselves no matter what.

However, for all the thousands of people trying to improve, hundreds of people have to give up those dreams. But, what gets me the most is when dreams have to be abandoned due to physical differences in peoples bodies, meaning they are unable to reach the top because their unique shape causes physical constraints. Or, because someone comes to something later on in their life and are unable to catch up with the top players because they lack the experience of previous years.

These particular issues mainly apply to sports (because this is where I have come across these constraints). However good you think you might be or are told you are, whatever success you've managed in the past, you won't make the squads, you won't win those gold medals, you've simply run out of time to catch up, and the focus is now on the younger up and coming athletes. It's a difficult realisation to swallow.

Although you can reason with yourself, and say you're not training and competing just to win, but for the fun of it, the two do tend to come hand in hand to some extent. Obviously it's natural that if your hard work leads you to be successful, you are inspired and happy with the results and motivated to work harder and compete more.

Even when the winning/fun scenario is taken out of the equation, sometimes the fun can just go out of it, especially if you realise that you don't feel like your competing for yourself anymore, but to try and please someone else. You want to win and push yourself for the attention that winning and success brings, not to excel at your sport.

 It's not a nice feeling to realise you are trying to do well just to get the attention of someone else. It makes me feel like I'm a lesser person, that I desire the approval of another to make me feel better. I feel petty and silly and my pride definitely feels a bit bashed up.

I wanted to document these feelings whilst they were still fresh for me. This might not even make that much sense, but writing it all down has helped me to feel happier with where I've come to in my thinking about all of the above. I think I'm ready to move on to a better mind set and a happier sporting future.

Thank you Diary

I always think that people with diaries that exist in the form of a physical book, rather than as a quick note on a phone calendar, look really organised and 'mumsie'. I'm sure that for many people looking 'mumsie' would be considered a bad thing, but the way my mum lives her life is something that I'd definitely like to replicate, especially in terms of her ability to remember things.

I've also always had this desire to write things out physically, rather than digitally (very archaic I know).
Anyway the point is, this year I decided to buy myself a diary for the academic year to keep note of important deadlines, lectures, meetings, and dates where things might be planned (for example visiting home!) that I should definitely keep track of. The number of times someone's asked me if I'm free on a specific date, a warning bell goes off in my head and I end up phoning mum to work out whether I'm free or not, are numerous, frequent and, for good measure, also plentiful. I think it's time I try to work out my availability for myself before resorting to mum power.

That's basically a very round-about way of saying that I brought a diary! However, the point of this blog post is that this diary is particularly intriguing, as for each day of the year it has a note about an event or thing that has happened on that day at some point in history.
For example for today the 13th of September 'Building begins on Hadrian's wall in 122'... random, but vaguely interesting!

So now, not only do I give the impression I know what I'm doing with my life, I can throw out random facts too! At this rate I'll be winning university challenge before I know it!

Liver in training

So for lots of people out there, University is the first time they have real independence and control of their own stock of money. The combination of the two can lead to things getting a little bit wild...

Parties, clubs and drinking seem to be the ball game here. However, for as many people as that sounds like tremendous fun, I'm supposing there is a similar number who are thinking that's not really there cup of tea.

I fall into the latter category. And, just to get it out there, you can survive freshers week just fine without going out clubbing or even drinking at all. As I mentioned in a previous post, I went to lots of events planned by societies that were orientated around non-alcholic past times, such as the student radio "have a go at making a news bulletin" and I attended several fitness sessions run by body soc which were very popular and very fun.

I also went to most of the events in freshers by myself - there is no law against doing things on your own! Sure it might be nicer to go with a friend, but you can make friends and new contacts during the event. I suggested going to some things as a flat, and we had a successful evening at the 'Disney society quiz' in the local pub which was lots of fun and good bonding.

I think in total I had 2 alcoholic drinks during freshers, and maybe I was lucky in that I ended up with flatmate who also wasn't really into drinking (indeed none of my flat were hugely into the clubbing scene), but it was mainly that I decided to throw myself out there and participate in the hundreds of activities that didn't revolve around drinking.

Even after freshers week, I played ring of fire and just drank water the whole evening. Nobody cares, and if they do maybe don't hang out with them again. Peer pressure can be very powerful, so choose the peers that won't pressure you into situations where you feel uncomfortable.

Homesickness

It is an odd thing, that sometimes the place I miss home the most is when I'm sat right at home in my house.

Going away, even if it is to a place where you ultimately want to be, can still be daunting. Whether your life at home has been happy or not, home is where you have grown up, it's where you are accepted for being you and you are loved unconditionally. Everything is familiar,  you know the rhythm of the days and what to expect when you wake up in the warmth and cosiness of your own room.

I'm leaving home to go back for my second year at university next week. Even second year is hard, so those heading off for freshers in the coming weeks don't worry - you are definitely not alone, and although leaving everything behind is easier second time round, it's still definitely a tug on the old heart strings.

From my experience, the week before leaving is actually the most trying time. You are surrounded by everything you are going to be deprived of for the foreseeable future, and where you are heading to is still unknown and slightly scary. At home you have nothing to distract yourself with apart from the things you know you are going to be missing, but, when at your destination (whether that be university or not) everything is new and exciting and life is distracting in itself! Reminders of home might bring on homesick moments, but these quickly pass if you are engaged in living your new life; a life full of things you cannot complexly comprehend when sat at home worrying about what you might be letting yourself in for!

My advice for any fresher would be to take a good long look at the freshers timetable that most university's publish and pick out lots of things to take yourself too. I made my own timetable of things I thought looked fun, making sure I had something to go and do in the morning, afternoon and evening each day of freshers, and although I didn't end up doing everything because of spontaneous outings with my flatmates and finding that actually I wasn't going to breakdown if I just chilled in my room for a bit, knowing that I had something to do made feel 100% better. Also planning when your first trip home is going to be (remember you can go back!) was comforting for me. I hit 3 weeks before I headed home for the weekend - I remember noting most people in my subject also made a trip back that weekend; other people have people and places they are missing too!

University is a challenging and exciting time, but it's ok to feel like its not like that at first.  I was prepared to feel horribly homesick for the fist month but it just doesn't work out like that for most people. In fact between Skype, FaceTime, texts and phone calls, keeping in touch can be almost as easy as when you are living at home, and the rest of the time your life is so busy and full that time flies and its the holidays before you know it!