Communication and relationships

All the discussion of sexual abuse on Youtube at the moment is putting a slight downer on my evening. When I say downer, it's because it's been making me think how easily manipulation can happen, even unintentionally, in any relationship, no matter how loving it genuinely is.

When a relationship first begins, even if you have known that person for a long time and you know each other well, you're going to learn new things about them; it might feel like getting to know them again, and it's also a time you will learn things about yourself.

Especially for a first relationship, you'll be discovering personal boundaries and limits, what you do and don't like to do together, and I'm not just talking about the non-PG stuff. For me this is where I think there can be danger of accidental coercion. In the heat of the moment you might agree to something, but then realise that you're not at all comfortable with it, or that you didn't mean for things to go as far as they have. Even if it is something as small as letting the other person sit on your bed with you.

I've watched Laci Green talk wonderfully about the importance of communication in some of her videos (see link to Laci's channel) and I can't stress how important talking to each other has been in my relationship. I'm 100% sure that if we hadn't started talking about how we felt to each other about things that confused us that the other person did or didn't do, we wouldn't still be together now.

We played a version of 20 questions, where we would ask each other literally anything that crossed our minds about likes and dislikes, opinions, each others past, each others present, what we thought about each other, how we felt when we first got together etc. It created a platform for us to be open and honest with each other in an easy and fun way. We don't need to play this game anymore (although we still do for fun!) because now we know each other well enough to tell when something might be wrong and needed to be talked through.

So what I'm trying to convey is that when you are experimenting and finding your personal limits in the context of a relationship, make sure you know when to stop and say that's enough. If you think you might not feel comfortable enough to say something, then maybe you should work on getting to know each other on a more personal level before continuing a relationship.

Laci Green Sex + - for more information about all things bodies/relationships/sexytimes